Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
