Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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