We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
