ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
