the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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