If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
