pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
