sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
