He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
