i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
