Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
my sisters under your porch take her home
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
