marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
