Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
