Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You ruined the universe
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
