my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
