I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
