The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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