it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
