So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
