Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
