Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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