Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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