But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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