Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
