now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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