You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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