Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
