I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
