you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
