Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
