just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
