I got chris browned last night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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