I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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