I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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