Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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