What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
