Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
either way he was missing a nipple.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
