I'm going to jail i love you
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is the high leading the old right now
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
