We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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