You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
