I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
