You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
