If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
