I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
