Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
