Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
