u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
