Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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