Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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