ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
