I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
