Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I understand Curling. That high.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
