Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
